spray tan for a chubby girl

lots of people always ask me how a spray tan works.
here it is.
please ignore my back fat.
and my saggy pancake boobies.
and my thick thighs.
and my poofy "bread" belly.
and my double chin.
and my cottage cheese bum.
and my butt dimples.
and my gay tramp stamp.
and my non makeup face.
well...
everything.


32 comments:

Riece said...

I am COMPLETELY DISAPPOINTED in this video!!!!

Take it down IMMEDIATELY and replace it with a version where I can actually SEE any of those things you named! Not one of these was seen for even a moment: back fat, sanggy pancake boobies, thick thighs, poofy "bread" belly, cottage cheese bum, butt dimples, OR a gay tramp stamp!!! WTC!?!?!

I can't believe I wasted my life waiting for any one of them to make an appearance when you just edited them out! FAIL, Jessica!

The Toland's said...

First- You are noneeeee of those things you listed...you are a skanky hot BABE...and because this video was very boring...I'm now starting to realize why you REALLY posted this vid.....BECAUSE you wanted everyone to see your hot-ness...and make all the rest of us jealous!

Shaunaaaaaaa said...

I expect that next you will post yourself at a poll dancing class, now that you have your tan.

Hillary N said...

Um..i watched it on youtube and i saw all of your beautiful hussiness...you look incredible! Look how many kids you've had and one just recently!!! Where you are now is where I want to be 20lbs less from now, you're lightyears ahead of me, you look amazing, and you should be proud of your killer body and all the hard work it has gone through!! I definitely need a spray tan now..and to never eat again...thx..oh and btw..I'm gonna buy me some boobies like your spray tan friend's someday, woohoo!!

Staci said...

man i was thinking i want a body like yours after 4 kids...but wait i have only had 2 kids and my body doesn't look that good...your beautiful ...spray tan and all.

Lindsay said...

you look TERRIBLE!!!! why would you post that!!! sorry.. i just had to counter all the positive comments. i gotta lose the rest of this weight before beach time.

Shannon said...

I would have thought that they make you bend over and do all sorts of weird positions to get in the creases... or did they and that got edited out? Because that would have been fun to watch... more so if you were fat and had lots of creases. I'd have to have my legs behind my ears to get all in between my fat thighs. Scary thought.

Oh, and you should post some day later video/pictures so we can see how it looked in the end.

daniella said...

Why is this in somebody's garage? Is it like a secretive, under the table-type of spray tanning? Who has that type of equipment laying around? Can I get it at a garage sale somewhere?

I expect all my questions to be fully answered and explained.

In any case, you're now ready to be on Dancing With The Stars. They can bedazzle your tramp stamp :-)

Kuddos for you! At least you didn't piss down your legs like I did.

Bigmama said...

I sure hope that your armpits were not truly as dark as they looked in the video. That might make for some very uncomfortable moments at the beach, "Hey Mom, look at that lady, she doesn't shave her armpits...Oh wait, that's just a spray tan shadow."

Giaellis2 said...

How are you already this skinny?!!?!?!?!?! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My baby is 6 and I have more rolls! UGH!

RoMo said...

You really have no shame. I am amazed.

raschel said...

seriously loved this. I was laughing at all of your silly comments. was this at your parents house? We should've had a spray tanning party. I think i'd be less nervous if there were more people doing it. About how long does it take? You probably have to stand for a while, to let it dry?

Riece said...

ok, you posted a new version. I saw it in my reader when you had it up with one that was MUCH more edited.

And your bod looks just as good as I thought. You suck.

People fatter than you LOVE when you make it sound like you're a whale!

Ok, but seriously, you are AWESOME for putting this up! Your tan is rockin'!

Amy Herfurth said...

your welcome for the awesome video job!

kimmy said...

woohooo----glad the hussy's back! and oh how she has arrived. :) very interesting to see as i've never had it done. that would be so cool to have a tanning party like that...in someone's garage! haha. can't wait to see what it looked like later!

Lindsay said...

you forgot to mention the exTREMELY white trash method in which it was produced... in a ger-raj with the men watching... how Whisky Tango!!! ahahha

Mamarazzi said...

you are a brave woman...of course i would be brave too if i had that body...wanna trade? yea, i didn't think do.

following now...loved this post!

feel free to stop by my place and say hi. i am currently giving away a $25 target gift card. woo hoo! free stuff, cool!

Amanda said...

yeah...I think you did that just to show off. But if I had ur bod I'd show it off too:) And does Dave approve of this expense???? LOL;)

The Bailey Family said...

I'm following you from Amber's blogs! Come follow me back! :)

nicolesspirit878 said...

New followers. Your a funny chick! Come check out my blog!

The Wifey said...

I don't know how you manage to get a spray tan and look so even and bronze(y) and all my IRL friends look like they just rolled in Doritos!

Larman Family said...

I have had lots of spray tans, but never in someones garage with a paint sprayer! LOL! I guess some of us will never be true rednecks! Love your entertaining!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Love your blog...Since I did not get to all the blogs during the blog party dates, I am going to keep going for a few days...I have found so many great blogs....wish I had time to read lots of posts on every blog and plan to come back to many. I am not going to have the prizes on mine sorted out until tomorrow, so anyone that leaves a comment Sat or Sun will go into a special drawing for SUPRISE GIFT. Hope you will stop by...
http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/
http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com/

zoo keeper said...

super funny! i got a spray tan once by a really scary lady that i think wanted my goods and then by a machine...i much prefer the machines ;o)

Ally said...

oh please, you're a hottie! i envy you for going the healthy route, I hit the tanning booth at the gym the other day :(

following you now from willis, party of 6.

FourthGradeNothing.com

☼¨`*•.♥Rocío♥.•*¨`☼ said...

Ü r 2 darn CÜTE!!!

Camilla said...

spray tan!! love it. did lover get one too?

Just One Week said...

I've had the Mystic Tans at tanning salons, but I've never had a personal spray tan and always wondered how they did it. I love getting a spray tan both before and after vacations so that I feel lovely and tan in my vacation clothes without the effort (or skin damage) needed to actually tan!

Stopping by to welcome you to SITS!

Allyson & Jere said...

You are hysterical, and oh so brave to put that out to the world. I LOVE that you put up a camping tent thingy, IN.YOUR.GARAGE and did it yourself. So great!

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and commenting.

Kristi at Spend Less and Save More said...

Too funny. The intro didn't prepare me for the garage & tent. You look like you had so much fun! Can I be your friend? Joining you from SITS!

Holly said...

You look great. I have spray tanned before both ways - with a person and a booth...it is weird no matter what, but it makes everything look better!

Marnie said...

You are the woman. Where can I find one of those in Germany?